The Only One For Me
by same.blue.sky
Summary: Sirius and Remus are both in love...but they know the objects of their affections will NEVER feel the same way about them, right? WARNING SBRL fluffy slash :
1. Chapter 1

**WARNING:** This is SLASH, so if you don't like it, just don't read it, por favor. Gracias.

You have been warned, folks. Of course this is fluff!slash, not smut!slash, a.k.a. it's mild, and makes you all warm and fuzzy inside.

Dedicated: To Lauren. Who helped me write it, a little (ha!). She loves Remus, and I love Sirius. Of course, we both know you're not a real fangirl unless you break out the slash a coupla times :).

**Prologue—There Are Four Kinds of Sexual Orientation**

"Hey, Moony, Wake up!"

James. Again. By now, I assume he'd know not to bother me in the mornings, but no...

"Moony, get up now!"

"Prongs…go away."

Whoever was waking me up laughed, and I could tell it wasn't James. This person had a deep, throaty laugh, almost…barklike.

My eyes snapped open instantly. I knew that laugh anywhere. Of course, I found myself staring into the shining grey eyes of none other than Sirius Black.

Feeling instantly more awake, I shoot up out of bed. Sirius is smiling at me…he doesn't know what that does to me.

That's right folks. I'm Remus Lupin, Hogwarts' resident gay werewolf. But no, of course that's not enough suffering, I have to be in love…_IN LOVE!..._with my best mate, Sirius. And of course, Sirius has to be the most resolutely straight person ever.

I know. You all _ache_ to be me, right?

Since you all find my sordid little life so thrilling, I'll tell you more. I actually first realized I was in love with Sirius in our fifth year, shortly after he, and James and Pete, learned how to become Animagi for me…Sirius stood out the most to me, though…I may have been just imagining and hoping that it was true, but it just seemed like Sirius cared, in a way I've never seen anyone care about me before, not even my family. I just…kind of…let my guard down…and next thing I know, WHAM! I fell for him. Hard.

Then again, how could I not? The boy is bloody gorgeous. He's got this hair…like silk, even right when he wakes up. James likes to pretend he's got hair like Sirius', but his looks rather like...have you ever seen someone get electrocuted? Like that. Well, I've heard Sirius' many, many, MANY fans here at Hogwarts talk about him, and a good amount of those conversations are solely dedicated to his hair. Not that I blame them.

Sirius also has these astounding, fathomless grey eyes. Everyone says that, they're one of the first things anyone notices about Sirius. I wonder if they notice how they get all dark and stormy when he's angry, or upset. And when he's happy, they're almost like silver. That's one of the reasons why I can never say no to Sirius. Just to see him happy, to see his eyes like that.

I swear, Sirius Black…he's the eighth wonder of the world.

But he'll never, ever be mine.

"Moony?" Something nudged me in the cheek. "Moony, are you okay?" Sirius said, with a hint of worry in his voice.

Ignoring the fact that my cheek was burning where he'd touched it, I smiled. "I'm fine, Pads. I'm going to go take a shower."

_I wonder if the water goes colder than 'ice?'_

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The way I see it, there are four types of sexual orientation. Of course, you guys all know the first three (Heterosexual, Homosexual, Bisexual…). The fourth one (and if you're this, you will die a slow, painful death by chicken pecking) is Remussexual.

That's me. I can't see myself with anyone, male or female, except for Remus.

There's a problem, however, with being in love with you're best mate, who is male, and almost surely straight.

Do you see it yet?

Also, Remus is just too good for me. He's this beautiful, amazing, innocent, smart, funny…who the hell am I kidding?! Rem is PERFECT!

Right now, he's asleep, and James and Pete are in the Hall eating, so I'm free to stare at Remus' sleeping form all I want. I'm supposed to wake him up, otherwise he'll sleep right until dinner, but how could I possibly disturb something so beautiful?

But I would get an excuse to touch him, right?

So I do. I walk up to him, and pick up his hand, not even realising what I'm doing. His hands…wow…they're soft as silk, except for the roughness of the occasional scar. I squeeze his hand, and—

He squeezes back. He's actually squeezing back! Granted, he's asleep, and probably thinks my hand is some girl's, but I'll take it.

I sit there for a few minutes, loving the way his hand feels on mine. Sadly, now that I've gotten this tiny bit of Remus' affection, I want…no, I need…more. Now.

Of course, some deity doesn't like me much, because at that moment, Remus starts to stir. I pull my hand away, with great regret, and nudge him, trying to make it look like that's what I intended to do this whole time.

"Moony, get up now!"

"Prongs…go away."

He thinks I'm James? I don't know why, but I start laughing at that. I stop instantly when I see he's awake, and I get a full view of his eyes.

Moony's eyes are amber. Like a yellowy, golden brown colour. I could stare into them for hours and still crave more of them. I've never seen anyone with eyes like those…

I look back down at Remus. He's got this weird, glazed over expression…I worry about Remus so much, especially around the full moon. This could totally be one of those weird side-effects. Next thing I know, his eyes will fall out of his head, or something awful like that. I know it's stupid, but even that scares the living piss out of me. I nudge his cheek, which is oddly smooth, seeing as to how he hasn't shaved yet this morning. Great, just another thing I notice…and love…about Remus. I can't believe he can do this to me…I'd do anything for him, and I'm not normally a "likes doing stuff" kind of guy…for Remus, though…

There's nobody else like him…And nobody else for me.

A/N- Okay, random factoid of the day: this is oficially the BEST LINE EVER from all the HP movies...

**REMUS**: Well, Sirius, at last the outside of you reflects the madness within...

**SIRIUS:** Well, you'd know all about the madness, wouldn't you, Remus?

Kinky...

Please review! I'll love you guys forever!


	2. How?

Disclaimer: Last time I checked, I didn't own Harry Potter. I'm SO cool, though, it might've just happened when I wasn't looking. HA!

In a rare burst of generosity, I've decided to post a new chapter a little earlier. It usually takes me about a week, though.

**Flame Alert!**

Let me just say that this is just out of order...

_I think YOU'RE the one who needs to go take the "ice cold shower"!Gays and lesbos go to hell for being that way. But of course, the fantastical imaginings are only the products parallel to the author's mind. ARE YOU GAY?  
_

See, Rache and I don't even know what to say, here. This is just so completely uncalled for...

Slash warnings are there for a reason, to keep predjudiced jerks like this OUT. Okay, I really have no problem with people who don't like HP slash (though you probably shouldn't be reading this), but anyone who wants to make remarks such as this about homosexuals are NOT OKAY BY ME, AND A LOT OF OTHER PEOPLE. I just CAN'T STAND people like this.

Rachel is speechless with rage.

Well, as I think I've commnicated it well enough (asshole), here's a rather abrupt segway into the next chapter:

**Chapter One—How?**

Let it be known to all of you that I'm just bad at this kind of thing. You know, love, and all. When I first realized I was in love with Sirius, I was dating a girl named Rachel Thompson. I felt so terrible about my sordid little unrequited love epiphany; I dumped Rachel on the spot.

I didn't exactly give her a reason, I just told her it was because of house elves and ran off. She probably thinks I molest the elves in the kitchens now.

Rachel was a great girl, too. She wasn't bad looking, and she was really nice. She's one of the five girls in their seventh year here in Gryffindor Tower.

One of them is Lily Evans, my friend James' girlfriend. Then there's Alice, who's engaged to last year's head boy, Frank Longbottom.

The other two girls…their names are Jessica and Rose. I don't know anything else about them, and I don't care. They both should drop dead.

Sorry, I don't normally talk like that. You see, Jessica and Rose are Sirius' only actual more-than-twenty-minutes-in-the-broom-closet girlfriends. He dated Rose for two weeks in our fifth year and Jessica for a month right after that.

And they both should die for it.

Anyway, I go down to breakfast, and I see someone with really long, dark brown hair talking to _my _Sirius.

Some of us prefer illusion to reality, you know. Especially when your reality sucks as hard as mine.

So, the snot-faced brunette is Jessica. What she's doing talking to him, I don't know. I barely register that I'm oh-so-casually leaning against the wall, gaping at my gorgeous best friend and his obnoxious ex.

"What'cha looking at, Moony?" James asks, leaning next me.

"Sirius…he's beautiful." I blurt it out before I can stop myself. SHIT. I DID NOT really just say that.

"HA! I KNEW—" James said, but I cover his mouth with my hand and pull him into the broom closet right next to us. I've always wondered why there's one in the Great Hall. Emergency mopping issues, possibly. Someone spills some pumpkin juice, and Filch must clean it up before it…soaks into the wood floor, causing water damage.

Yeah. That's it.

Once we're safely away from the rest of the population of Hogwarts, except for the possible horny, sleazy Slytherin couple that may occasionally inhabit this closet, I remove my hand from James' mouth.

"—IT!" James is grinning madly, pointing at me. "You fancy Padfoot!"

"Prongs, that's not entirely true." If I'm going to say the thing, I should do it right. "I…I love him."

So much is carried in those three words, it's unbelievable. I don't think anyone loves anyone as strongly as I love Sirius. For instance, I bet you anything nobody else has noticed that Sirius has exactly twenty-one different smiles, and how each one makes my heart melt and shatter at the same time. Has anyone else noticed the way he holds his fork, or the way his eyes shine in this breathtaking way whenever something bad happens to a Slytherin?

I stare at James' dumfounded expression.

"Prongs—James. You have to SWEAR not to tell Sirius. Ever."

"Moony, I won't tell him."

"thanks, mate." I run out of the broom closet, accidentally slamming James inside, though I'm to anxious to let him out again. I just bolt back to Gryffindor Tower without looking back. James _knows_. I'm in deep shit now.

I'm willing to bet anything that I'm the only person in this school who's really, truly, eternally in love with Sirius Black.

And it's so unfair I almost want to scream, or cry, because I'm the only one who can't have him.

**----------------------------------------------------**

**SLAM!  
**

That's the door in my face, in case you can't tell. It's not like Moony, either, to slam doors in the faces of handsome Quidditch stars.

I don't care, though. Moony loves Padfoot, and I'm grinning like a fool in the darkness. I can't believe I'm actually not going to tell the boy who's practically my brother his love isn't unrequited.

Lily's rubbed off on me, you see. She's my amazing, beautiful, feisty girlfriend, and she's a complete romantic. I bet that if she knew about this, she'd envision Padfoot finding Moony's love confession on a letter, or whatever, and then he'd run upstairs, kiss Moony, and proclaim his undying love. Just off the top of my head, there. See? That's me: Brilliant.

Shortly after that, they'd end up getting it on. Probably on my bed, or something like that. I'll remember to wash my sheets daily once they get together.

And they will, too. Or my name isn't James Harold Potter.

-----------------------------------------------------------

After my morning routine, I'm downstairs eating breakfast. I can barely eat, though, because I'm thinking about Moony.

From the corner of my eye, I see Jessica walking up to me. She's my ex-girlfriend, by the way…one of them. I dated Jessica for the longest, though. Probably because she looks so much like Remus, but…a chick. Her eyes are light brown, but they don't even compare to his.

You see, I dated Jessica for her quick wit, and to get my mind of Remus. That part didn't work. Jessica's likeable enough, I guess.

Except for the fact that she's friends with Rachel Thompson. That bitch. How could Rem even _THINK_ she's good enough for him?

"Hey Sirius." Jessica sits down next to me.

"Hi, Jess." I sigh dramatically. Jess and I are still friends, especially when she senses something's wrong with me.

As I fall deeper into the "I Love Moony" hole, she talks to me more and more often. I haven't yet decided if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

"What's wrong?" See. I told you.

"Nothing, I'm just…" I'm still not telling Jessica about how I love Remus. Only two people know that, Lily and James. James had to be an arrogant prat and go telling his girl about it.

We talk for a while about whether or not I'm all right. In the end Jess reasons that I'm depressed because I failed an essay in Potions, which I did not, and even if I did, I wouldn't care.

My eyes suddenly flick to the door of the great hall, drawn unconsciously to the shaggy, golden brown head of one Remus Lupin. He's running out of the Great Hall, and before I even register it, my feet are pulling me after him.

He runs all the way to Gryffindor Tower, more specifically, to my bed in our dormitory. I don't think he realizes that it's not his own. Still, with my dog-like sense of smell, the chocolaty scent that is Remus will linger on my pillow for days. That'll make my dreams a lot more…interesting. Now I just have to remember to use a silencing charm before bed. Merlin help me if he hears me moaning his name.

"Rem, are you okay?" I stutter.

He jumps. He looks at me. "I'm fine, Sirius."

He doesn't look fine to me, but I don't press him. After what happened with Snivellus and the willow last year, I fear that he still isn't ready to confide in me. It breaks my heart, but I need to regain his trust.

I wonder what he's so upset about. I feel a surge of anger towards whoever caused it, then a surge of sadness. If Remus is sad, I'm sad…it's always been like that, and I think it always will be.

I'm aching to put my arms around Remus. His tragic beauty is nearly overwhelming.

That's it. I love him so much I can barely stand it…it almost hurts. I need to find out if he feels the same way, somehow…

But how?

**A/N: I had writer's block, so this isn't my best chapter. I don't even know if this counts as chapter one or just another part of the prologue, because _nothing_ happens. However, now I'm actually staring with the plot! And there will be a lot more dialogue, though I'll still do the first person thing. **

**Don't worry; what's coming up isn't as cliché as it sounds!**

**Random Factoid of the day (people liked the last one): **Slytherin, in French, is Serpentard. It's kind of funny, in a mildly offensive way, so feel free to make your own joke...

Anyone who doesn't think Sirius and Remus should be together should stop drinkning Drano.


	3. One of Those Guys…Who Likes Guys?

Disclaimer: The puppies aren't mine; I'm just toying with their emotions for a bit…I know, I'm awful...

Everyone, there's a lot of scene switches in this chapter, sometimes the PoV doesn't change…I put some names in there to help you, so stick with me, here…and let me know if it get's confusing, and I'll fix it, in later chapters.

**Chapter Two—One of Those Guys…Who Likes Guys?**

I think on it all night, but not one of my feeble plans seems good enough for Remus. I need…something special for him, because I love him, more than I think anyone else in the world loves someone.

And I still can't have him.

It's been years, oh brain of mine, and I'm finally cracking. Listen to me, talking to myself…

Point is, every moment he's not in my arms is…like that time when Darling Prongsie "accidentally" hit me in the bollocks with a Bludger. Only a million times worse.

See? Whoever says Sirius Black is not a romantic, poetic type is a liar.

Okay, back to my brilliant plan…

I just forgot…I have none.

Back to brainstorming a brilliant plan…

You see, I know everything there is to know about Remus Lupin. _EVERYTHING_. So I should be able to mix my superior brainpower with my arsenal of Remus-related knowledge and come up with a brilliant plan to seduce Remus.

That's just it, though. I don't want to seduce him. I certainly don't want a one-night-stand. That would be worse than just being his friend. No, I need to come up with a way to get him to feel about me the way I feel about him.

Maybe if I ask James to think of one…He does, after all, know about my infatuation with Moony. He'd know what to do…

I head downstairs, and there's Prongs, talking to Peter, Lily and…_Rachel Thompson_…the swamp thing.

"Prongs, come to the kitchen with me," I say, and James stands up, smiling obligingly to Wormtail, Lily and Bitchface. Now _he_ has a crush on…on…her. Well, if she has to sleep with one of us Marauders, thank Merlin it isn't Moony. Or me…

Or James…but then maybe Lily would murder her…there's an upside.

But then she'd dump Prongs…and he may get _slightly_ suicidal if he lost his Lily…

"What do you need, Pads?" he asks.

"Just…stuff." I can tell from the look on his face that he knows what "stuff" translates to.

"Is Remus going with you?" _she_ says (go on…guess). Even his name from the mouth of such a foul creature makes me jump. I just scowl at her and we run out.

---------------------------------------------

"Merlin, Pads, Moony again?" James asks me as soon as we reach the kitchens. I nod.

I tell him about my brilliant plan...he laughs. I slap him.

"You're not kidding, then?" he asks.

"Prongs, I've never been more serious." he smirks, opening his mouth. "Don't even THINK about it!" It is my policy to hex anyone who makes that pun on my name.

"What if you…like, randomly kissed him?"

"WHAT?!"

"Well, hear me out. Kiss him, and if he kisses back, that's good…and if he's all grossed out…just say you…tripped."

"And landed on his lips?"

"Now you're getting it!"

He's forgetting one thing, though. If I knew Moony was disgusted by me…well, even thinking about it makes me shiver.

"Tell him."

"What's that, Prongs?"

"Tell him…you're…you know…one of those guys…who likes guys?" Such a way with words, this one has. Though, he does have a point. "You're going to have to wait until tomorrow, though. Now he's probably either doing homework or sleeping."

Hmmm…Tell Moony I'm gay…I like it…

Of course, I could have thought of that.

----------------------------------------------

"Peter…where are they?"

"I don't know, Moony…for the millionth time!"

Sirius and James are gone. Missing. Lost forever.

Well, probably not the last one. I get _really_ nervous when it's raining this hard. Lots of rain means thunder.

That's why, right now, I'm curled up under the sheets of my bed, willing the thunder not to come.

CRACK!

Oh, right…I'm Remus…things _don't_ go right for me.

I'm terrified of thunder…it was raining when I was five…on the night that…and then the thunder…it was horrible.

There's another crash, but this one isn't thunder. It's the door banging open…James and Sirius!

"Wormtail and Moony asleep already?" James' voice asks.

"Looks like it…though; I'm surprised Moony isn't awake, with all this." I peek out from my bed curtains, not enough so that they can see me, but enough so that I can see Sirius jerk his thumb in the direction of the window.

Sirius and James get changed and ready for bed, and the lights in the room flicker out. I think everyone's asleep…and there's no more—

CRACK!

Figures. I grab my pillow tight. I guess I must be whimpering loud enough for one of them to hear me, because I can hear footsteps heading towards my bed.

The curtains around my bed open. "Moony? Rem, are you okay?" Sirius. The only one I _really_ didn't want to see me like this. I'm really too scared to care at this point…did I mention how much thunder terrifies me?

I can't even speak, that's how scared I am. I can barely breathe…I shake my head, not quite realizing that he won't see me because I'm under the sheets.

Suddenly, I feel his arms wrap around me. I don't know what possessed him to do it, but then again, I'm not thinking straight at all. I do know that the shiver that runs down my spine has nothing to do with the thunder.

I bury my head in his chest before I realize what I'm doing…I just want to drown out the thunder. It isn't until I'm fully hit with the smell that's spicy and delicious and just so…_Sirius_…that I realize what I'm doing.

Strangely enough, I can't bring myself to pull away, no matter how much I try.

Then I feel his hand on my head, in my hair. I blush and grin, which he thankfully can't see. "It's okay; I won't let anything happen to you…trust me, Moony," he whispers, still running his hand gently through my hair. I feel my eyelids get heavy, and within minutes, I fall asleep. The last conscious thought I have is that thunder isn't that bad, really….

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The sunlight hits my eyes, and I force them open. This is odd, because I don't think this is my bed…in fact, isn't that my bed over there?

Then this bed must be…

Crap! What am I doing in Remus' bed? I try to jump out, but I can't. Something heavy is sitting on my chest. I look down, and there's…

Remus. I don't know what to do, because…oh, gods, if only you could see it…he's so beautiful, it almost breaks my heart.

Plus he fell asleep on top of me. His mouth is about ten inches away from mine…how can I find even his morning breath alluring?

Before I can stop myself, I move my lips closer, closing the gap between us. This is as close as I'll get to ever kissing him, right?

Merlin, it's amazing…Remus' lips are softer than anything…

Then it hits me. I pull my lips away from his I just…SHIT! I just practically _raped_ Remus! Well, you know, mouth-rape. I jump out of the bed…anything to get away, to clear my head…

"Pazzfug?" Remus says, yawning. I pray it was my jump that woke him up, and not the kiss… "Whushgoinon?"

I realize I'm standing in a quazi-ninja stance from when I jumped out of his bed. I stand up straighter, and he turns to look at me, rubbing his eyes adorably…his amazing eyes…

"Hi Moony…morning," I say, unable to stop looking at him.

"Morning, Pads," he says, smiling at me. He looks happy. Happy is a good emotion to confess things at, I hope…because I can't turn back now…

I take a deep breath. Have you hear I'm and impulsive person? Now or never, that's my life's motto…

"Rem, I have something to tell you…"

A/N- Got over my writer's block…finally. So many random ideas, though, I crammed them all into this one chapter. Let me know if you want me to put in more dialogue…I keep trying, but it's harder in first person. Oh, and please tell me if you liked it!

Random factoid of the day: Well, I don't have one...but have you ever wondered why the H/Hr ship is called "Pumpkin Pie?" It's like the weiredst ship name...if you know what it signifies, tell me...

Pumpkin effing Pie...well, review!


	4. Confessions and Confusion

**Chapter three (or part four)—Confessions and Confusion**

Sirius breaks off there, just staring at me, and I...I'm blushing so much I think my face is about to catch fire. And that would just top it all off, right? Oh yes, I'm sure God would think it hilarious...I mean, it's not like there's enough wrong with me, Remus "The Gay Werewolf" Lupin...NO! Of course not! I know! Why not make my face spontaneously combust in front of Sirius?

Perfect. Just bloody perfect.

And now, Sirius appears to be frozen…which really shouldn't be happening, right? So I prod him, and all the words come out in one blob.

"MoonyI'mgayandiknowthat'sreallyrandombutProngssaidishouldtellyousohereitis," he said, then took a deep breath.

I'd caught those first few jumbled syllables, but I couldn't have heard him right…could I have? An overwhelming urge courses through my veins to dump the water pitcher over my head, or shake Sirius…and of course, there's the ever-present urge to kiss him.

He takes another deep breath, slowly, saying the same words I thought I herd, the words I'd been hoping to hear for forever…well, except maybe "I love you, Moony," but I'll take what I can get.

"Moony, I'm gay and I know that's really random but Prongs said I should tell you so here it is."

I smile at him, and there's this funny look in his eye when I do. I try to look calm, but because of his confession, my insides have turned to some sort of butterfly-jelly hybrid and my heart is beating a million miles a minute and my hands are shaking like mad.

But it's still a lot easier for me to confess the same thing to him.

Well, not easy, I bet Godric Gryffindor is rolling around in his grave about now, but I still manage to get it out.

There's this look on his face now. It's mostly just joy (though I cannot fathom why…maybe he's just happy to have a "gay guy friend," like b45

There's this look on his face now. It's mostly just joy (though I cannot fathom why), but there's also that mischievous smile that drives me insane, though he doesn't know it…and also…that kind of proud-but-slightly-miffed half-smirk he has whenever James is right about something.

He stares at me with this expression for a full minute, then, when I think he's about to so something, he runs out of the room, and whatever hope I had (though I don't know why I did) at that point pops like James' ego never will.

---------------------------------------------------------

"Prongs!" I call, hurtling down the stairs, I knock over several first years as I go down, but I barely notice. I see James in a corner of the common room, in the same armchair as Lily. "Prongs! Come with me!" I pull him off of her…they both look pretty mad, but then Lily smiles knowingly and James reluctantly untangles his hands from hers.

I drag him out of the common room and down the corridors. At one point, he trips, but I keep going.

"You prat! Just let me walk!" he calls. I pay him no mind.

---------------------------------------------------------

"So, Moony's a shirtlifter, too?" James says. I throw an éclair at him (the house elves gave us éclairs), and he catches it.

"If you want to put it that way, yes," I grumble.

"So…what now?" he asks.

I shrug. Truthfully, I'm scared to think about what'll happen next, if it doesn't work out.

"Well, you should make him jealous…just drive him to the breaking point."

"How can you be sure he even likes me in that way?"

He just smiles and keeps talking about jealousy, and driving Moony up the wall.

I stop him in the middle of his rant. "Prongs, I can't...I can't hurt Moony like that...if he really does like me it'll drive him crazy!"

"That's the whole point, you daft sod."

"But I can't! Don't you see, Prongs? Why would I want to do that to someone I love, no matter what I get in return..."

"Padfoot, trust me, here...just go up there, and start talking about how you think...Gideon Prewett is God's gift to sexiness."

I shake my head. "Not Prewett,"

"What about me?" he asks. Then we both shudder.

"Prongs, that is just wrong on SO many levels..."

He nods in agreement. Both of us are still slightly weirded out. "Frank?"

"Isn't he engaged?"

"Fine, then, don't lie to him...tell him...tell him you saw someone in the Great Hall, and you thought they were so beautiful, and does he know who the guys is?"

I shrug…I hate admitting any of Jamesiepoo's plans are any good…

"Honestly, Pads, what are you going to do when I'm not around?" Do you see why?

Then again, his last plan worked out just fine…I think.

-----------------------------------------------------

I'm still sitting on my bed when Sirius and James come back through the door an hour later. I spent most of the time helping Peter with his Transfiguration essay, but James pulls him away, leaving me alone with Sirius.

Once again, I get the feeling that he knows something I don't.

"Hey, Moony…I have a question...you see, there's this guy…I really like…but I don't really know who he is."

Great. Fantastic. I guess Sirius thinks that, since were both poofs now, I'll give him dating advice…of course, I actually will, I've never been able to deny him anything, but still…I'm not happy to do so. The tiny flame inside of me, burning _**SIRIUS LIKES ME!** _to the world extinguished.

Sirius went on and on, talking about this amazing mystery guy, and every word was like a knife in my heart. I really had no chance at all with him…

"And his eyes…they're like…well, maybe they're blue or something…"

He just kept going. I tried to tune it out, but couldn't bring myself to stop listening to the tones of his voice.

"his hair is like straw blowing in the wind. Except it's brown…at least I think it is…I kind of forgot."

I don't even think he realizes—or cares—that his words are tearing me up inside, but that's the last straw.

"Sirius! Stop, please! I don't want to hear any more!" I'm in tears at this point, and I can't stop them from falling, much like I can't stop myself from what I say next. "You don't even realize what you're doing to me, do you? You talk about this boy, who you barely know…I wish he knew who he was, because I'd really like to know how to capture your heart like that, how to make you act like you are now…Merlin, you don't even realize how badly I want that guy to be ME, do you?! You don't know that every time I look at you, it breaks my heart…or that you're the reason I'm gay at all…Sirius, you can't see that…that I fucking love you!" I clasp my hand over my mouth, and my eyes flicker over to him.

He's staring at me with that penetrating grey gaze…and he doesn't look as disgusted as I thought he would…

A/N—Okay, I have to end it there, I'm out of ideas again…plus, I'm reeeallly tired. I'm SORRY! I'm not really good at tense situations (in fact, I usually crack up when things get too serious), but I'm still kind of proud of this. I hope Remus cursing (out loud) wasn't too OOC, but that last bit didn't sound as good without it.

Random Factoid of the day: Sorry I'm really tired...all I found was the meaning behind "Pumpkin Pie"

Created by the fanfiction writer Cassandra Claire, "Pumpkin Pie" is the title of the relationship, or "ship" in fanfiction terminology, between Hermione Granger and Harry Potter. It is believed that this name arised from a story of Ms. Claire's, in which after kissing Harry Potter, Hermione thought that he tasted like pumpkin pie.

thank you, urbandictionary! It's one of those things that I don't really care about, but it would bother me FOREVER!

Two more chapters left, I think...


	5. Note To Self:

I'm really sorry it took me so long! Writer's block is a bitch. Anyway, I'm almost positive that this is the last chapter, but there might be an epilogue later if enough people ask.

**Chapter Four—Note To Self:**

He stared at me. Just kept staring for what felt like forever, looking like a (really attractive) fish, eyes bugging out and mouth hanging open.

I can't believe I just said it.

That's it, right? Our friendship is _over. _The Marauders as everyone knows us will cease to exist. Merlin, how will I be able to deal with that!?

I can't, that's how. All I know is that I have to get out of here, _fast, _before he gets over his shock and the disgust starts setting in. That I _really_ can't deal with.

I slowly get up and start walking towards the door, but suddenly…

---------------------------

"Moony, stop."

I'm actually quite proud of myself for saying anything at all, owing to the fact that I think my brain just imploded.

He kept walking.

"Moony!" I called, but he still didn't stop. As he walked past me, I noticed he swerved around me so we didn't touch at all.

Finally mustering up the courage, I reached out and grabbed his arm, spinning him towards me.

I stared at him, and he squirmed uncomfortably. Still, I held my gaze, and eventually he stared back, almost transfixed.

---------------------------

Damn those eyes! They'll get me _every_ bloody time.

"Do you really mean that?" he asks, eyes getting wider.

I want to shake my head, or run away, or—I don't know what, but whatever it is, I can't.

So I just nod, and then…well, then I look up into The Eyes, and they're really, _really_ close.

I lick my lips instinctively, as Sirius moves closer, and closer, and…

Merlin, this is SO bloody confusing. What's he playing at this time? I don't even know how much I'd pay to know what he's thinking right now, bit whatever it is, it's really confusing the hell out of me.

"Sirius…what's going o—mmmph!" I whisper, or try to, before Sirius brings his lips to mine.

And in that kiss, I found everything I'd been wondering about…and everything I've been hoping was true for the past year or so is there, too.

You know how they say "A picture is worth a thousand words?"

Well, a kiss from Sirius might very well be worth a million.

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"Hey, Prongs? Do you know where Moony and Padfoot are? I haven't seen them since yesterday afternoon," Wormtail asks me.

I look up from my bacon and eggs. I hadn't seen them since last night, either. I don't even think Padfoot came to bed at all, and Moony's bed curtains were closed by the time I got up there last night. I'd immediately gone to check the map, but couldn't find it anywhere. "Nope, haven't seen them," I say, turning back to my breakfast. Today is our last Quidditch practice before our big match against Slytherin, and Lily suggested I eat bacon and eggs…which I would've probably eaten anyway, but I put on a fantastic, "Oh, look how grateful James is!" show to impress her.

As for Sirius and Remus, I've cut it down to two options. One, they've finally stopped being thick and realized they're crazy for each other, or two, they've stolen my Invisibility Cloak and are waiting in front of the Slytherin common room, where they wait until one of the slimy snakes pass by and push them down. As you can see, there are several flaws in my second theory. Have fun thinking up as many as you can…

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After a gruelling Quidditch practice, there's nothing I love more than pulling the covers over my head and falling into dreamland.

In which there are a lot of images of Lily. In a bikini.

I walk up the stairs to the common room, and then nearly fall back down again. In front of me, crouched in front of the door to the dormitory, is…Lily?

"Lily? What're you doing?" I ask

She shushes me. "Quiet, James! This," she motions to whatever she's looking at through the crack in our door, "is quite possibly the hottest thing I've ever seen.

"Hey, I take offence to that!" I huff. She just giggles, not taking her eyes off of what's inside. If it's Sirius changing, I swear I'll mace him good. There's one hanging on the wall of the common room, too…it'd be just _too_ easy.

I stick my head right above hers, wondering briefly why I'm spying on the contents of my own room, before I get a good glimpse inside.

My jaw drops in shock. Standing in the middle of the room are Sirius and Remus, trying to snog each other senseless, and I mean _really _bloody SENSELESS, like if they both didn't hold the other one so close that it looked like they'd sort of melded into a big, bloblike shape, the world would end…or something . A million emotions run through my head at the same time. I'm happy that they finally got together, nervous, because is it their first kiss? If so, then (first of all...wow) the last thing they need is to catch their mate's girlfriend ogling them. I'm also a little disturbed. Just because I support them doesn't mean I want to watch them have at it, or whatever they're doing...do I really want Lily to watch this? I had no idea she as such a pervert. It's kind of a turn-on. In a weird, My-girl-is-turned-on-by-my-best-mates-necking-it kind of way.

Right now, I think we should just get away. I mean, they're so wrapped up in each other they haven't noticed us yet, and their limbs are still so tangled you can't tell who is who…how they're managing to stand up will forever be a mystery. Lucky they still have their clothes on, or we'd all be scarred for life. Then again, it might not be much longer yet...

"Lils! GO AWAY now!" I yell bluntly. Sirius and Remus don't hear me.

"Can't...look...away," Lily whispered, not sounding upset about me yelling at her at all.

"Leave them alone, Lils!" I say. "They deserve some time to themselves, now that they finally have each other!"

"Aww!" Lily coos, smiling at me…I can't help but notice there's an almost feral glint in her eyes.

Using my amazing skills of persuasion, I finally manage to get Lily down the stairs…and once we get down there, she grabs me by my red-and-gold tie, pulling me out of the common room with a wicked grin and a wink.

I'll have to remember to thank Padfoot and Moony later.

Note to Self: Next time I go up there, let Peter walk ahead…just a bit.

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"Oh…Merlin…Moony, I love you so much," Sirius breathes against my lips.

"I've waited so bloody long to hear that, Sirius," I say, grinning.

"I've waited so bloody long to tell you that," he responds. I'm going cross-eyed with the effort to look into those silvery eyes, but we're still so close I can't possibly see all of them.

Sirius' eyes flutter shut, and he moves closer to me. Before he can make it all the way to my lips, his stomach grumbles loudly. I laugh, because I'm actually surprised Sirius made it as long as he did without food in the first place.

We hadn't eaten since…let's see. After that first kiss, we'd gone and sat on my bed, talked for while, kissed some more, and then fallen asleep together. I smile a bit as I remember it all.

I pull out of his arms just enough so that I can see my watch. "Let's go to…er, the kitchens I guess...breakfast just ended."

Sirius grins at me. "Great, I'm bloody starving." He wraps his arm around my waist and walks us to the door.

And I don't really care that everyone can see us, arms wrapped around each other and staring into each other's eyes (which did make it hard to go down the stairs, but I didn't care).

Because, thought to myself, as I smiled at him, still getting that giddy little flutter when he smiled back…all of them are really just jealous.

And they very well should be.

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A/N-Okay, I really couldn't think of a good way to end it, but if you all don't hate me for taking so long, some reviews would be nice!

Too busy to find a factoid...


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